If a Bisexual Woman Marries a Man, is She Still Queer?
We must find ways to assert our identity outside of our relationships.
The New York Times recently published a piece called, “Our Marriage Looks Straight. We’re Not,” about bi- or pansexual people who wish to assert their queer identity even while in straight marriages.
Bi-erasure is a huge issue. The imposter syndrome for bisexual and pansexual individuals is real. Just the other day, I was talking with a friend and he said, “You make it sound like you are trespassing into the [LGBTQ+] community. But you are a part of it.”
The need for feeling validated in one’s identity as a queer person who has the potential to be in “straight” relationships is real. I won’t deny that.
And yet, I was irked by the article. Everyone has a right to express themselves in whichever way empowers them, but I felt like maybe some of these individuals were desperately clinging to an identity that would set them apart from the heteronormative world. Of course, your bisexual or pansexual identity doesn’t just evaporate when you marry someone of the opposite sex.
I must make it clear that I am not asking anyone to internalize biphobia and bi-erasure and deny their sexuality or keep it hidden just because it is no longer visible…
